Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
