You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
