we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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