DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
