oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
