My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
