Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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