Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
