I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
