Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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