So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
