honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
