At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
