i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
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It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
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I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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