my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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