i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
third nipple confirmed
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
