Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
vagina is talking i cant
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
