I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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