Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
