i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.