just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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