this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I believe in your delicious
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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