there's paper in my vomit.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
