Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
