I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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