Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
