Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
