You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
