I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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