i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
