She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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