My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
