My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
