How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
