Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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