They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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