Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
