do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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