So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
