Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
