Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
