I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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