he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
