He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
