i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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