So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
