I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
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We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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