oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
