I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
