I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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