hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
