I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
this is an emotional support booty call
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
