My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
