I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
