Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
