Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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