That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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