Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
