I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
