i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
