so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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