You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Its about making memories worth repressing
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
