I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
