Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
