If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
