Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize