matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
