I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Found the puke drawer
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
