I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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