I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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