i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
