I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
